netflixz:

driving past your old elementary school likeimage




lukehemmingssmut:

this really cute customer came in today and i asked him how he was paying and he said ‘hasta la visa baby’ and then he blushed and cleared his throat and was like ‘um.. visa please’ and i kinda wanna marry him




sidnugget:

when did i get this fat




unclefather:

i don’t go to family reunions because they always ask me rude questions they’re like my 4th cousin half removed only by marriage and they ask me “why don’t you ever have a boyfriend” and i’m like i don’t fucking know why don’t you have any of your teeth